Why?

She walked off in the cold winter air. It was so cold it was hurting through her bones but she just had to get away from everything. She walked through the woods knowing it wasn't the safest place to be at that time of the night but she had a feeling it would be the safest place for her to hide.

It all started 2 years ago when she was getting a cup of steaming hot coffee, she set her eyes on this handsome tall, blonde man. He looked like an angel to her, the most beautiful person she's ever seen. He was immensely attractive and so was she. She was tall, slim and her smile beautiful as the sun shining through the window panes. She had long brown hair that bounces with each step she took. He was out of breath when he saw her and from there, the both of them hit off on a whirlwind of a relationship.

2 years after, she hated his abusive, rude demeanour and all she wished for was his death.

She planned everything perfectly and the execution was brilliant. She seduced him, teased him, pleased him and then she murdered him. She looked deep into his ruby blue eyes with so much love as she filled up the tub with petrol. She watched him suffocate and then flicked a match into the tub of petrol and watched him burn. The joy she got from it beyond explanation. She walked out into the hall and looked into the eyes of the girl who he was sleeping with. She knew what exactly she wanted to do to this girl. The pretty girl had no idea what she was going to endure. A stinging pain started to develop from her lower back. She was stabbed with a red hot knife. She dropped on the floor, tears rolled down her cheeks and alas she took her last breath.

The woods was so so cold now at 3am but she had no where else to run to. She sat on a huge rock hoping for a miracle but she was happy and satisfied. Wolves were howling, the moon was lit bright in the sky with stars dancing to the beat of the night and she was a happy woman, finally.

Pseudo Bunny

The clock ticks. Every second goes by with blank thoughts. The red chair feels so warm and comfortable now. Flash backs of memories were barely there. Just thoughts of how he got into this situation. Where did he go wrong? What have he done in the past to deserve all this but little did he know, that innocence he thought he possessed was all a blatant lie. He survived on ignorance and selfishness. Specks of lights were slowly fading away. The sun was setting and he knew his time was fading away with it. The smell of the humid room was nauseating. He gasped for breath trying to get as much oxygen as he could. The view of the room was nothing but darkness. Darkness haunts him from time to time as he dozed off. The thought of not being able to see his girlfriend was the only thing that kept him alive and that was the last thought he had. It has been years since the incident and no one really knows what happened to him except for his girlfriend then now someone's wife who is now happily married with a baby boy. That night flashed back now and then. His death was the best feeling ever to her. He deserved every little bit of that suffering and now she is content with how it ended and now she survived on his misery and death and she is very much content with it.

Constant

Emotions. Highly unlikely to be happiness. Sorrow fills up every single part of me. Its like a never ending story. The thought of having happiness in my life is close to nothing. Everything seems fine at first then it crashes. The waves in the ocean and I are alike. Currents flows deep but when it reaches the beach, its all gone and another wave builds up somewhere in the middle of the ocean and the routine repeats itself.

Happiness seems so far out of my reach and impossible for me to achieve. Maybe at a moment it'll seem all fine but next thing I know, I am back where I started. I fucked up big time in the past and I guess this is karma coming back to haunt me. My perspective of love has changed. Not for the better but now I am close to a non-believer. Its there yes, with family and friends but I refuse to accept it.

Optimism does not exist in my life. It used to. My view on it slowly dies. I am ready to bury it 6 feet down and never look back. Bury me with my sins. Bury me with my sorrows. The choices I've made mistakes in the past that has made me who I am but somehow its never enough for an individual to appreciate me.

Well I guess that's the only constant in my life.